As an Only Child we learn how to make things happen for ourselves, without asking for help (not that it's not offered) but in order to get things done it's just easier to go ahead and do it. We learn to either be extroverts or introverts, I guess that's everyone though. I choose to be an introvert, safer. Unless you were surrounded by a strong family unit or very close friends, you learn to...just deal with situations, and (I'm speaking from the female point of view) carrying boxes to the third floor, if you park in a major city, shoveling snow to get your car out, finding a handyman for remodeling and burying a loved one like a mother or father.
I had to bury my estranged father not to long ago, my parents never got married and my Father never had any other children but me. He tried remarrying a couple times, but it never really took. There were step children who called themselves my brothers and sisters, but we never lived together, went to the movies, or shared a meal. My mother worked EVERY day, odd hours as much as 16 hours a day, so I was pretty much a latchkey kid. Even though she had close sisters and brothers, they weren't exactly down the street. We lived across town.
My father was, as long as I've known him, an alcoholic. I eventually realized he couldn't see me without having a drink, I took it as his way of dealing with his pain and his confusion of our situation, as I grew up I learned to accept him for this. I just thought this is who your father is. I stopped trying to "Save Him." It wasn't working.
When I got the call at 5:15pm to come to the hospital from a nurse and not a family member, I was confused. I said, "Who are you? Why are YOU calling me? Where is my cousin?" She visited him as much as I did (probably more) in the Rehab center where he was staying, by this time he was in a wheelchair, and constantly losing weight. Liver Disease.
After the phone call from the Nurse, I already knew... I started getting dressed but I stopped and called my cousin. I asked, "Where are you?" She could barely get it out, "At the hospital." "Why didn't you call me? Why is the nurse calling me?" She said, "Just Come." I got dressed really slow I remember, putting off the drive, and not knowing what was going to happen next. I'd never had to identify a body before or speak to a Chaplin at the Hospital. What was I suppose to say? My father had made some arrangements before hand, where he wanted the Memorial to be and that he wanted to be cremated. I call my Mother and one of my Aunts to meet me at the hospital.
I remember the Chaplin had the family come into a separate room to see him, I went in last, after everyone said their goodbye's. I asked my mother to stay with me after everyone walked out and I collapsed like a child, and said, "I guess it's official." My body gave way I couldn't catch my breath, and I couldn't focus. I was six again. I remember when he tickled me on the black bean bags in our two bedroom apartment and I laughed till I cried, at least I think I was six.
So I took care of the funeral arrangements, who would speak at the service, signing all the papers, the Cremation, what to do with the ashes, the Memorial, the Pictures. When I looked for pictures of us together, I only had 4 or 5 and one of them was taken over 40 years ago and another taken maybe 4 years before. I felt alone a lot but that was only in my thoughts. His side of the family was nothing but supportive and offering a helping hand.
My goal of the service, was to give his Sisters a service they could be proud of and they were.
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